recepticle=<b>Friday, May 27, 2005</b><br /><br /><b>politics are something that should never be touched</b><br />if you haven't already, i urge you to go and take a look at <u><a href="http://www.spicyparis.com/paris.html?paris_is_a_whore=true" target="_blank">the new carls jr commerical</a></u>. it features the world's favourite whore paris hilton looking like an 80s porn reject, rolling all over a bentley and soaping herself in suds whilst wearing a wardrobe castoff from tv's 'fame'.<br /><br />apparently, this is supposed to be a commerical for a burger; i had to do some investigating, but there <b>is</b> a burger in it. the 'directors cut' version of the commercial is sixty seconds long, and in that time, there is <b>less than six seconds</b> of burger in a camera shot, and for a third of that time the burger is deftly hidden behind the paris' straw wig. the rest of the time is taken up thus:<br /><br /><b> > </b>paris scratching the shit out of a car by clambering all over it with her 72-inch heels.<br /><b> > </b>paris squashing a soapy sponge against her boobs.<br /><b> > </b>paris giving her finger a blowjob. twice.<br /><b> > </b>in an apparent scat homage, paris resting a hose between her thighs and 'pissing' all over the camera.<br /><b> > </b>paris spending an inordinate amount of time looking at herself in the wing mirrors of the abused bentley.<br /><br />in short, it's paris hilton doing what she does best; acting like a stupid whore in front of a camera for something that ends up on the internet. for a change.<br /><br /> - posted by lawrie at 7:51 PM ~ <u><a href="asfunction:loadComments,111722600374658235">comments</a></u><br /><br /><b>Monday, May 23, 2005</b><br /><br /><b>it's muh birfdae!</b><br />it's my birthday! heap praise upon me for managing to stay alive this long. <b>heap praise</b>. and if anyone wants to buy me the new enon album...<br /><br /><u><a href="http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/registry/wishlist/ref=cm_ups_view_wishlist/202-8932757-6393443" target="_blank">buy me stuff for my birthday because it's my birthday!</a></u><br /><br /><b>birthday.</b><br /><br /> - posted by lawrie at 2:16 PM ~ <u><a href="asfunction:loadComments,111685848694814655">comments</a></u><br /><br /><b>Tuesday, May 17, 2005</b><br /><br /><b>i drew you over and over again</b><br />hits for indextwo have gone through the proverbial roof in the past couple of weeks, all thanks to the upcoming star wars film and my ridiculously popular <u><a href="http://www.gaijindesign.com/lawriemalen/jedi" target="_blank">jedi quiz</a></u>.<br /><br />i'm still in the top three results on google for '<u><a href="http://www.google.com/search?sourceid=navclient%26ie=UTF-8%26rls=GGLD,GGLD:2004-06,GGLD:en%26q=jedi" target="_blank">jedi</a></u>', and i dream of the day george lucas will attempt to buy me out, and i will say "georgey-peorgey, you overblown creampuff, i will only relinquish control of the jedi quiz if i can play young han solo or any of the skywalkers on the all-new star wars holiday special, and jarjar is stabbed in the face by an ewok. or howard the duck."<br /><br /> - posted by lawrie at 1:48 PM ~ <u><a href="asfunction:loadComments,111633940963760182">comments</a></u><br /><br /><b>Monday, May 09, 2005</b><br /><br /><b>fried octopus beak</b><br />around christmas time. my dvd collection suddenly increased by 35-odd new titles, which i was quite chuffed about. i'm not sure what 'chuffed' means in american, but over here it means 'jolly pleased'. with so many dvds to watch and so many digital emotions to experience through my eyes, there are still one or two dvds that i have yet to watch. one of these is <u><a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0319061/" target="_blank">big fish</a></u>, a film i'd seen at the cinema, but not in the comfort of my own cardboard box designed to look like a race car. <br /><br />emily picked out 'big fish' to watch the other night, only to discover that she couldn't get into the case because it still had some kind of security tag on it. with it being four months after christmas and with no receipt to be found, it was unlikely that we would be able to walk into a store and ask them to remove it for us, but since most security tags are rubbish, i had faith that a little melee attack with a carving knife would solve things. i first tried picking at the corners of the little red square that appeared to be holding the case closed. but it wouldn't budge. prying the top and bottom of the case open with a couple of forks so i could get a better look, i thought i spotted a couple of fish-hooks that were holding the tab in place; however, pushing at these with a knife did nothing except make me angry.<br /><br />five minutes later, one rather large carving knife in hand, i was making little progress in trying to saw the security tag in half; this called for all the illegal resources the internet had to offer me. after a cursory search on 'dvd security tag removal', i found <u><a href="http://www.amaray.com/redtag_qa.asp" target="_blank">the company that makes the security tags</a></u>. a quick read through their faq suggests that their <b>red tag</b> is an unbreakable dvd chastity belt, and without a proper detagging tool we could possibly damage the inlay, booklet and disc by trying to force it open.<br /><br />using just a breadknife and a spoon, i <u><a href="asfunction:loadImage,images/redtag.jpg">defeated agi amaray's red tag security</a></u>, with the dvd, inlay and booklet all intact.<br /><br />i'm a fucking criminal mastermind.<br /><br /> - posted by lawrie at 3:19 PM ~ <u><a href="asfunction:loadComments,111565377115740981">comments</a></u><br /><br />