recepticle=Friday, December 24, 2004
happy jesus stuff
i know what you want. an exclusive christmas video message from me! happy holidays!
- posted by lawrie at 9:50 PM ~ comments
Thursday, December 23, 2004
good luck stevezy
if you have nothing better do to on christmas day (and i'm assuming you don't, unless it involves wearing new socks and playing the dvd version of 'who wants to be a millionaire' with your grandparents, feeling yourself slowly getting fatter as the day progresses), then i urge you to go and watch the life aquatic with steve zissou. and if bill murray doesn't win an academy award for this one, then i'm going to punch billy crystal in the teeth. i know he doesn't run the academy awards or anything, but it would be symbolic.
- posted by lawrie at 1:03 PM ~ comments
Tuesday, December 21, 2004
big-nosed irony
i just saw the video for ashleeeee simpson's new single, entitled "la la". rather an appropriate title, considering her saturday night live fiasco not so long ago. "uh, la... duh..." [pathetic dancing ensues] ... [run off stage] ... "oh, my band played the wrong song."
if i were in her band at that moment, i'm certain my drumkit would be decorating her lower intestines from the inside. anyway, i'm getting off the hot topic, which is where miss ashleeeeeeeeeeee buys her entire wardrobe, i think.
the video starts with her walking on top of an an suv in some little suburban street and start dancing. ohmygod! she's rebelling! then she kicks over a dustbin. three times. she's tearing down society! ohmygosh! she threw a milkshake at a skaterboi!
i realise that her entire 'musical' 'career' is founded on the principal that she needs to be seen as far away from imitating her popwhore sister as possible, but showing far too much footage of her playing tony hawks on the xbox for it not to be product placement is not the way to do it (the placement being for tony hawks, as opposed to the console; the only way i knew it was an xbox is because the controller was bigger than her head). the fact that she's on geffen makes me realise just what an all-consuming whore's vagina the music industry really is.
i never really knew anything about ashleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee simpson until her debacle on live television in front of millions of people, and ever since then i've wanted to la-la-lock her in a fridge and throw it into the sea.
- posted by lawrie at 1:42 PM ~ comments
Saturday, December 18, 2004
..and to all, a good night
finding myself at a loss for interesting things to write about since the fabulous and frivolous capers and high jinks of last weekend, i decided instead to throw christmas in your faces with this rather subtle christmas skin.
happy christmas! hail satan.
- posted by lawrie at 1:44 AM ~ comments
Monday, December 13, 2004
bwah ha haaa!
this proud king of the internet can once again climb atop his mountain made from the skulls of his vanquished foes. i spent my weekend sending messages to anyone the fake internet lawrie (see previous post) has ever had any contact with, telling them that this 'adam lee' boy they liked so much was, in fact, more likely to resemble a huge burlap sack of custard full of dying fish trying to get out, with a potato for a head and retractable arms (like that traitor mutant in total recall) than me.
a couple of people actually refused to believe that i was me, and asked for proof. "either prove you're real, or prove adam is a fake. i think you're lying. adam is too nice to be a fake." proof!
but when i woke up this morning, 'adam lee', the 21 year old from texas who stole my face, was gone. not only did he delete his myspace account, but his livejournal too. i win!
/ edit
i discovered earlier that he had an older livejournal account. i left him a message that said, in exactly this many words, "hey, fuckface. you gonna delete this one too?"
...and lo, he did! i win x 2!
- posted by lawrie at 1:55 PM ~ comments
Saturday, December 11, 2004
my face! my average-ass face!
just thought i should let you all know that there's some fuckwad on myspace that has stolen my face.
why? i mean... why? what's wrong with you? what is it that's so utterly repugnant about your own physical appearance that you felt the need to usurp my identity? wait... maybe you're like, the darkman, and i blew up your laboratory and now you're insane with revenge? or maybe you're just a fucking nutjob.
if you've got a myspace account, please feel free to fling some abuse.
- posted by lawrie at 2:59 PM ~ comments
Friday, December 10, 2004
beaten down
i know that for a long while you all thought that this was the best blog in the world, but i have beaten by a true champion.
last night, i managed to catch the last note of scarlet soho's set at the attik and see their backs as they walked off stage. fortunately, i managed to catch a couple of songs during their earlier soundcheck. i urge you to catch them if they're coming to a town near you on their album tour, because they're fucking awesome.
- posted by lawrie at 1:20 PM ~ comments
Tuesday, December 07, 2004
yahoo! condones yiffing for christmas
yahoo! have just compiled a list of the most sought-after christmas presents for kids. most of them are your regular christmas plastic crap; radio-controlled cars that can perform stunts and drive over any terrain like a knob of butter over a hot crumpet in the commercials, yet when played with in the real world, they flip on their backs as soon as they hit a piece of lint and spew shards of broken plastic death everywhere for small children to eat, choke on and die, coughing up their own infantile blood.
but take a look at number nine on the list. a 'furreal friends luv cub' that's 'ready for love'? seems to me like furries have been putting their not-inconsiderable weight behind getting yiffable toys on the marketplace. either that, or this horrendous marketing blunder is going to open up these toys to a whole new demographic.
ohmygod. i just read that these bears also 'whimper' when they want something. i can hear the support calls now. "help! my furreal bear has seized up! but i clean him out almost every day!"
bleurgh!
- posted by lawrie at 5:20 PM ~ comments
Saturday, December 04, 2004
boot cable shore hat maple
i'd like it to be known that i actually invented the word 'awesome', and i'd like for you to all stop using it as of right now. right now!
- posted by lawrie at 6:29 PM ~ comments
first stanza, first line, first thought
tonight i have a gig with desade at the shed. not the shed at the bottom of the garden, you understand (lolz!). it was originally supposed to be at the attik. not the attik at the top of the house you understand (zoop!). it's an acoustic affair of 80s rock proportions.
on thursday i have another gig at the shed (see joke above for relevant witty jape) with self-same band, but without the acoustic fagotronics.
on sunday i have another acoustic gig at the firefly with the lawrie malen rocket to the stars, which will be a stupefying culmination of beautiful, heartbreaking acoustics, sweeping atmospheric electronica, and a monkey bashing the pots. i'm personally hoping that i will get to perform my own acoustic set in the interim.
there's something so flux deluxe about performing with just my voice and an acoustic guitar. i really really want to do it, but i don't know if there will be any space for me in the lineup. if you're all kind and gentle, i'll post some mp3s of me making an audible fool of myself.
- posted by lawrie at 3:31 PM ~ comments