recepticle=Friday, August 29, 2003
the world's largest collection of badgers
i'm ultra fucking tired, because i was at a meeting this morning. this morning. i had to get up. IN THE MORNING. there's a lovely, handsome young man called josh who works at the place where i had my meeting, and he has a dad. like a lot of people, in fact. but here's the difference: this is josh's dad.
did i already tell you i'm tired? well, that may explain this conversation i had with josh:
lawrie: your dad looks cool.
josh: he collects badges.
lawrie: ...your dad collects badgers?
josh: yeah, badges.
lawrie: live ones?
josh: um...
lawrie: where does he keep them?
josh: in the spare room, there are loads stuffed in cupboards all over the place.
lawrie: are they alive?
josh: um...
lawrie: how can he collect them? aren't they an endangered species?
josh: er... he's got the biggest collection in the world.
lawrie: really?
josh: oh yeah, he sells them on ebay all the time.
lawrie: on ebay? is that even legal?
josh: oh yeah, he pays tax and everything.
lawrie: but... surely they're protected! you can't sell badgers on ebay!
josh: no, lawrie. badges.
i'm TIRED.
- posted by lawrie at 4:07 PM ~ comments
Tuesday, August 26, 2003
the history and origin of the mafia
i was brushing my teeth this morning when i started thinking about the mafia. and then i thought, 'i wonder how the mafia started?' and then i decided to make it up.
the mafia was inadvertantly started in 1911 by patrick swayze. swayze, at the time a struggling cartoonist, was trying to think of a name for a new character. he already had a theme in his head, and needed something to rhyme with daffier, thus: 'there's no one daffier than johnny mafia'.
and from there was born the now infamous cartoon character, johnny mafia. come the thirties and prohibition in america, lonely crime boss penelope cruz was trying to think of a catchy name for a gang she was yet to start; a name that would inspire it's members, yet drive fear into the hearts of policemen, elliot ness and ducks. stumbling around her shabby apartment, lousy drunk on her own fermented urine, penelope picked up a copy of the chicago coconut and saw the johnny mafia cartoon on the back. immediately she wrote down the word mafia on a piece of paper, addressed it to her attorney, then sent it back through time, causing a copyright lawsuit to be taken out against swayze in the past and wiping out existence of the comic.
now the sole owner of the word 'mafia', penelope set about hiring bums, criminals and syrian baggage handlers to take over the city of chicago and make it so famous that foreign people would think it was a state. in her 115-year reign as head of the mafia, penelope cruz oversaw the development of a thriving moonshine trade, selling bottles of alcohol for as much as four hundred million dollars each, and the still highly controversial legalization of the 'throw-rabbits-over-the-roof-of-a-pub' game.
since then there have been many tall tales about the origin of the mafia and it's purpose, so let me set the record straight: the mafia is penelope cruz, and it's purpose is evil.
- posted by lawrie at 10:46 PM ~ comments
Saturday, August 23, 2003
nothing of note
i've added two more tutorials to the flash tutorials section, and learned something myself in the process. tutorial two covers html standards with regards to dynamic text fields in flash, and tutorial three tells you how to get your comments working in a flash blog. i'll probably be changing that one or adding another that covers importing your comments into flash, thereby making every single last fucking thing in your blog flashy as a fruitcake with fairy lights in it.
i'm so fucking tired. i need a sandwich!. can't get enough plugging, there. also, would anybody like to send me some miracle whip? we can't get it over here, and after reading about it, i'm one part horrified, one part curious about exactly what that shit tastes like. plus, a lot of people have sent in sandwiches with miracle whip as a key ingredient, and i don't want to mess up their recipes. email me and i'll give you my mailing address.
later that day: two towns are having problems merging because of a sea monster.
- posted by lawrie at 6:11 PM ~ comments
Thursday, August 21, 2003
and lo, moses did pass down the word of god. he said 'hi'
chex0r me out - i've added a tutorials section. if you want a blog in flash, then there's how you do it; do you see it? just down there, in the project x section. there will be more to come.
- posted by lawrie at 9:00 PM ~ comments
holy crap
did you know there is a computer at a university that just plays 'six degrees to kevin bacon' with you? that's the best thing i ever found out in my life.
- posted by lawrie at 10:45 AM ~ comments
Wednesday, August 20, 2003
welcome to my new home! don't steal anything
well that was a lot easier than i thought it would be. here i am, on my own domain name (finally), and with a couple of new features thrown in just for the sheer, gosh-darn fun of it.
you'll have noticed that i've tried to make my whole sandwich! project a little more obvious with the giant clicky in the bottom left, there. i've also added asteroids to the avatar arcade, and now, when you click on an image to load it up, you can move it around the screen. see what i mean?
- posted by lawrie at 4:25 PM ~ comments
Tuesday, August 19, 2003
new blogger, new danger?
'well, this is all very well and good that you've got such a pretty little blog with all it's various moving mechanisms and smartness... but how do you load images into a dynamic flash text field?' i hear you cry. well, i can't. not into a text field. but there are means. oh yes there are.
i just coded a lovely, tiny little movieclip that allows me to do this, and this and even this!
problem solved! eat that, bitchface!
[please note: that 'bitchface' remark was not intended for anyone in particular. except maybe that guy over there. yeah, you - with the beard. you're dead. ]
- posted by lawrie at 9:59 PM ~ comments
Sunday, August 17, 2003
there are going to be some changes around here
as you may have noticed, i've made one or two changes. what do you think? the comments link works, but will no longer display the number of comments i have. this, i can live with.
i will also have to change the way i show images, but it's all been carefully thought out. have a look around; i've changed the faq, sxe and images sections, and added a little avatar arcade at the bottom there under project x.
this all took me a little over two days, and i will (hopefully) be writing some tutorials on how it all works. tell me what you think!
NOTE: i know the tagboard doesn't work. yet.
- posted by lawrie at 8:36 PM ~ comments
Thursday, August 14, 2003
and in the darkness, blinky them
look what barry did!
isn't that just the bestest blinky you ever sawed?
- posted by lawrie at 12:06 PM ~ comments
Thursday, August 07, 2003
this is what i call 'wizard of oz complex'
already the sandwich project is going well. but in other news, i had an email from a man... let's call him rob, and let's say that his email address is couragetocare@hotmail.com. actually, let's call him bob. i like that better.
now, bobby sent me an email entitled, as so many are, 'straightedge', and concerns my personal views on straightedge-ness. you can find his email below. the annotations in bold are from me.
"Hi My Name is Rob,"
hi, bobby.
"i'm one of the few people in this world that knows most about straight edge,"
wow! really? do you have a degree in 'core? or a certificate of edgeness? thought not.
"most of the things you wrote were wrong,"
[bites fist] oh crumbs. you mean my personal opinions on subjective matter are wrong? damnit.
"sorry,"
you will be.
"your sincerity is cool, you need to be stronger,"
thankyou for validating my existence! and i agree, i do need to be stronger. that's why i eats spinach.
"but your views and ideals of straight edge are not true"
so... they're lies? let's be clear on this; my views and ideals are lies? well fuck me, mr. thought policeman.
"straight edge, straight edge hardcore is a style of music. I really dont like repeating myself,"
omg, i'm sorry i made you email me.
"so over the years i've been building an essay and a song that explains the edge(yes it is good and positive,a nd the ideals make more sense)"
makes more sense than what? i mean, don't get me wrong, it definitely sounds like something i'd want to listen to when i've got my toaster next to the bath.
"but its not about self repsect, clear of mind whatever kids think it is these days."
yeah man, fuck all those stupid kids who are into self repsect. and who wants a clear mind anyway? jimi hendrix didn't, and he lived to be twenty seven! neither did jim morrison, and he lived to be... twenty seven!
"You can email me with any questions and i will dissect your essay."
fuck me, that sounds like something i want to do!
"I wont go full on but give you a basic idea, you have to find straight edge for yourself then you will understand."
finally! enlightenment! after all these years and i thought i had found straightedge for myself, but obviously not! thankyou, boberella!
and there you have it. gosh, that was fun.
- posted by lawrie at 7:36 PM ~ comments
Wednesday, August 06, 2003
LAURA MANCINI 4 JIMMI PAGE!
project!
- posted by lawrie at 7:24 PM ~ comments
how emo is elmo?
i've got an idea for a project. who's interested?
- posted by lawrie at 11:40 AM ~ comments
Saturday, August 02, 2003
BALERT! BALERT! YOU IS RECEIVING ONE MESSAGES!
firsty, i would like to say thankyou to everyone who left helpful comments (this does not include ben), and i should warn you that, if you haven't already, you should shortly be receiving mail from jon with details about the translations.
so, a big thankyou to juliba, rhonda, tobias, philip, dan and nancifus.
now, see what you think of my ninjaboy.
- posted by lawrie at 12:50 PM ~ comments