recepticle=Friday, May 30, 2003
i'm making a new game
that's right, i've got a great new fun playtime pastime for you all to enjoy and eat. we all get odd search engine referrals every now and then; "homestar runner downs syndrome" was a more recent one of mine. but shit, just posting search engine refs can get a little tiring, so i've come up with a great new way to rehash this tired old blogging practice! i call it google mish-mash whatchu say willis?
this is where you click the search engine referral (for example, "curse oversized penis"), scroll down to find your listing, and then see how google has cobbled together various parts of your blogging, thus:
"... what is it with me and these penis searches? ... the family curse only affected two generations
- me and my ... 24 hours, you could fill up an oversized crocodile with ... "
stare at it for a minute. think "what in the name of holy christmas cringle marmalade spaceship was i writing about?". continue on with your life.
- posted by lawrie at 1:59 PM ~ comments
Monday, May 26, 2003
tony hart, where are you now?
without any preamble at all.... apart from... you know, this sentence... let me introduce the top five cartoon characters to be executed on the dawn of the revolution. the cartoon revolution.
05: scrappy dappy fucking doo. da da dada da-daaaaaah! phuuuppy piss off. you will notice that a lot of characters on this list are 'second generation'; i.e. a younger character added in later seasons. perhaps to provide some semblance of time passing in the cartoons, or perhaps to appeal to younger kids... i don't know. but i have a piece of advice for the makers of those cartoons that they, uh, stopped making twenty five years ago: your making fucking cartoons. well, you were. until you died. probably.
04: bam-bam & pebbles. see above. not only did they bring about the ruination of the flintstones as a cartoon, they even got their own show as teenagers in a band, a la josie & the pussycats and the archies. who were both just as crap. although there's no denying the poptastic poppiness of 'sugar sugar'.
03: fonz & the happy days gang. for anyone who had the misfortune to stumble across this, this... travesty, this sacrilege, then i pity you. in the original happy days, the fonz was just fucking cool. when he hit the jukebox and it automatically started playing the song he wanted, it was because he was cool. however, in the cartoon, this was attributed to the fact that the fonz was apparently omnipotent. with a click of his fingers, he could transport himself, richie, ralph and mr. cool the fucking dog through time and space. and there was an alien called cupcake. fuck right off.
02: superted. don't pretend that you like superted, because secretly, in your heart of hearts, we all know that nobody in the whole fucking world liked superted. he was a smarmy little bastard who had absolutely no merit whatsoever. "this is a story about an ordinary teddybear," boomed the voice at the intro. "when he was made, they found something wrong with him, and threw him away like a piece of rubbish." then spotty man came down from outer space and saved him and mother nature gave him special powers etc. etc. what is never explained is exactly what was wrong with superted. did he have mental problems? and if so, was it really such a good idea to give him special powers? powers that he used to save his friends who kept getting into trouble, just because people wanted to find out his secret? god, i hated that bear.
01: roadrunner. the only reason this show was so fucking popular in the first place is because of wile e. coyote. that guy was my personal hero, and a genius. why did we watch it? because we wanted to see that goddamn speeding turkey get it in the face. nobody ever rooted for the roadrunner; we all wanted him to die. don't deny it. you all did.
- posted by lawrie at 1:58 PM ~ comments
Thursday, May 22, 2003
tomorrow, quarter of a century ago...
okay peoples, tomorrow is my birthday
so... you know, no pressure or anything, but wishlist
hint hint.
- posted by lawrie at 12:45 PM ~ comments
Tuesday, May 20, 2003
and if you thought strong bad was awesome
how about a game of TROGDOR THE BURNINATOR!.
- posted by lawrie at 3:00 PM ~ comments
Saturday, May 17, 2003
do-do-do-do-do-dodedido-the system... is down
From: butterfree_42@hotmail.com
Subject: ok
message: your fucked in the face
you know, grammatically, that doesn't even make any sense. when are you people going to learn about the correct use of apostrophes in terms of possessives and contractions for fucks sake. if, butterfree_42, you were intending to imply that i am fucked in the face, you would type "you're fucked in the face." see how that works? "you're" is a contraction of two words; 'you' and 'are', and the apostrophe marks splicing of the two to make a singular sound. see how i even added a full stop for you, you illiterate fucktard? whereas, "your" is posessive, which insinuates that i own 'fucked in the face'.
but beyond this, it makes no more sense. if you were starting a sentence like that, you would make it obvious that 'fucked in the face' was a product of some kind (as i have just done), and would then qualify the statement, thus: "your 'fucked in the face" is great!". what you typed just doesn't. make. sense.
homestar runner is a \/\/inner, but strong bad is my favourite.
- posted by lawrie at 1:30 PM ~ comments
Tuesday, May 13, 2003
you've got lovely poo
who ever thought that, in search engine terms, i'd come within spitting distance of rate my poo? and, after my rant and rave only two entries ago, who'd have thunk that i'd be fourth for duddits fan site?
- posted by lawrie at 2:24 PM ~ comments
Thursday, May 08, 2003
right then, you little bitches
okay, for all you hookers who changed your url and then expected me to do something about it... well, i fucking did. all of you who upped and left your respective blogs, you have been executed. all of you who don't want to see what happens when you die in a plane crash, click here. all of you who want to own a P4 3GHz "INTERWEB CHIP OF TEH FUTURE!!!!11" click here.
- posted by lawrie at 12:41 PM ~ comments
Wednesday, May 07, 2003
i duddits!
so, dreamcatcher, eh? i'm currently halfway through my second reading of this excellent book by stephen king. for those of you not in the know, my layout is based on dreamcatcher, hence the french at the top and bottom of the page. it's such an excellent book; a brilliantly written story full of suspense and superb story-telling.
so, the film 'dreamcatcher', based on the book by stephen king, eh?
fuck right off
.
there are no words to express how utterly disappointed and angry i was after seeing that film. since i first started watching films in the cinema, i think that was the first time i've ever been truly tempted to walk out halfway through the show. the acting was poor, and for a while it seemed as though jason lee was just playing it by numbers. then there was a crucial turning point where i allowed myself to hope that it might not turn out as bad as i thought it could... and then it got worse.
is it perhaps unfair of me to expect the same kind of quality as we saw in shawshank redemption, or green mile, or misery? with a book whose feet are so firmly placed on a sci-fi basis, perhaps no such comparisons can be drawn. any further comparisons are also hindered by the fact that, whereas green mile drew me in emotionally and immersed you in a simple but powerful story, dreamcatcher made me want to slap those fucking kids who couldn't act for shit and take a match to the script and put it out of it's misery.
the best piece of acting by far was donnie whalberg as a downs syndrome guy suffering from leukemia. unfortunately, this was immediately cancelled out by the last scene. here's where i ruin it for you:
in the book, duddits (the kid with downs) has a mental battle of wills with mr grey, the alien presence occupying the mind of jonesy. in so doing, duddits dies, but you realise what a remarkable boy he really was. this is brilliantly written, but possibly not the easiest thing to commit to film. so what do they do? they turn duddits into a motherfucking alien. all of a sudden, he morphs into a giant scorpion thing, and destroys the other alien, who has magically materialised without killing his former host; something none of the other alien forms have been able to do.
you know what? i could go on for a lot longer, but i don't want to. it frustrates me just thinking about that film. if you're a fan of stephen king then please, for the love of god, don't watch this movie. not even if you're single and it's saturday night and there's nothing left in the video store but a copy of this film. not ever.
- posted by lawrie at 4:49 PM ~ comments
Tuesday, May 06, 2003
okay, i'm back! i'm BACK!
*waving arms in the air frantically* hey everyone, chill out, i'm back. oh wait - there's nobody here. thanks for all your concerned comments about my whereabouts. fuck, people - i could have been dead, or trapped and lost in a livejournal somewhere. who was going to front the search party, eh? WHO?
so now, as pennance, you have to give me titles and artists of some great 70s disco, because right now i crave some disco mp3s. and for all you mainstream timewasters, i already have the following:
strawberry letter 23 - brothers johnson
blame it on the boogie - jackson 5 (plus a jackson 5 best of)
get down saturday night - oliver cheatham (the original, not the fucking remix you advert-whore motherfuckers)
a fifth of beethoven - walter murphy and the big apple band
across 110th street - bobby womack
street life - randy crawford
don't wanna bump no more (with no big fat woman) - joe tex
i have a few others on cd somewhere, but i'm on a download phrenzy. tracks, people! give me songs!
- posted by lawrie at 1:47 PM ~ comments