new sheep, profanity, bling bling there's some new sheep in town, and they're teaching you how to tell the difference between a pear and a bear. excellent. this new breed of sheep include a level select, random word selection, and a wolf. i just sent off the quote for the job as well, hence the bling bling. i originally mistyped it as bling blong, which is far better, and i believe i will use as my new word from now on.
speaking of random word selection, you can also check out mine and jon's experiments in flash and php. my flash front end hooks up to jon's php scripting wizardry, then gets you to type in a word, compares them, and then tells you how dumb you are.
i had another wierd-ass dream last night, and i really wanted to blog it up, but i also vowed to get the sheep done before anything else, and i've forgotten it now. it was dark, and i'm pretty sure there may have been a kangeroo. well, at least i don't have to keep dreaming about fucking sheep variables for a couple of nights.
most amusing skip hire firm me and mumfy just went to tesco, and on our way back, we walked past the church at the end of her road. in the driveway was a skip, hired from a rather famous local skip hire firm. this firm isn't famous for any good reason, and why should it be? they hire out skips. it's not like they're going to win an award for contributions to humanity. no, this particular firm is famous purely because of it's name. you see, stencilled on the side of every skip they hire out is the name of the owner - "t.watts". you see? you see? it looks like the word 'twats' whch is highly amusing to any 12 or 13 year-old. obviously i'm 24, and did not find it amusing in the slightest... but it brought back some memories. of laughing at a skip. hmm.
my hayfever's been absolutely killing me today. i'm just talking to kate at the moment, who's ex is bombarding her with text messages about how him hurting her is not a real reason for her breaking up with him. *cough*whatacompleteandutterfuckingnob*cough* andrew, if you're reading this, you are a stupid bastard. leave kate alone and go get fucked on some rope. for a change.
oh, and keep your eyes peeled; lawrie has a new quiz on the way. it's top secret, and i've only told two people what it's going to be. hopefully this should sate everyone who wanted more tests along the lines of the jedi quiz. 'how could he possibly follow that?', i hear you ask. well, i can't. it's a short answer, and probably the best one.
sorry... sorry... for any regular readers i have left, i have to apologise for the complete lack of posts recently. this is mainly because i've been too preoccupied with flash, and php, and variables, and arrays, and sheep, to do any blogging.
that big contract i mentioned? well, hong kong want to see an improved demo with more fancy trimmings by tomorrow. bugger. so i've been tearing my hair out, trying to figure out why flash isn't passing variables properly (i'm thinking it's because god hates me), doing some little php-to-flash experiments with jon, and trying to make a wolf. i honestly can't be bothered to explain about the sheep and the wolf... just go back a few entries and you'll see what i'm talking about.
anyway, after i've got this new improved demo out of the way, and then hong kong shower me with quarter of a million dollars, i'll have some free time. well, until the real work begins. then i will be truly bugger'd. i believe that's a line from chaucer's canterbury tales.
oh, and i had a dream last night, and i remember most of it; i was in our garage, and i was with a bunch of other people. we'd stopped off in the garage to fix the car, which had to be done in a real hurry, because everyone was late to get somewhere. so, we start fixing their car, and i turn around and my mini is still in the garage. except that it's not a mini, it's a jeep, with an american license plate. so i start fixing up my mini/jeep/thing, and my ride-on lawnmower comes driving itself down the street, and tumbles into a ditch on the other side of the road. i don't have a ride-on lawnmower, nor is there a ditch on the other side of the road. anyway, i get my lawnmower and bring it back into the garage with me. then an old friend from school turns up, and he looks skeletally thin. he always was thin, but you can see the bones in his hands and stuff. he tells me i look fat, and i get all sulky and wander off. i start doing something to the back of the jeep, and suddenly it starts rolling towards the crap new semi-pond we have. it crashes into the pond, and wrecks it. my stepdad starts going absolutely mental at me, saying the the pebbles can't be replaced because they were imported from the cape, and i start crying. then i pull the jeep out of the pond, and there's a dead pig and some apples floating in it.
fuck clients, and fuck sheep so here's the deal; potentially, with a 90 - 95% certainty, i've landed this contract for doing a bunch of e-learning games for the hong kong market. it's a shitload of money. excellent. so yesterday, why was i in town, having lunch with some kid i used to go to primary school with, 'negotiating' a £200 site that, granted, will probably take me less than a day to do, but any other firm would charge him between £500 - £1000 for? because i am king muppet. he's promised me loads of work from his 'connections'. yeah, because i haven't heard that one before.
we're looking at 6 to 7 pages, with a flash intro and a perl form mailer. i was doing him a massive favour by saying £300. easy money. he says "ooh... actually i was thinking about half that amount." i nearly choked down my pizza (one of the only reasons i didn't just tell him to shove it is because he was buying me lunch at quite an expensive italian restaurant). "well, to be honest," says i, "they don't really come for half that price." so he said he was looking to pay a maximum of £200, and because i vowed to myself to put absolutely no effort whatsoever into it, i agreed.
so that's the fuck clients bit. now... fuck sheep... well, the demo i'm putting together for hong kong needs to be tarted up a bit, and what i need this little piece of flash magic to do is pull a random number, assign it a variable name, assign a sound to the variable, and then get the sound to play 3 times over, with a 4 - 5 second gap between. sound easy? it's a bitch the timer delay is fine, and assigning a sound to a randomly generated variable is ok... but it's passing this newly-made random sound variable to the child movieclip and getting it to fucking work that's the problem. and then, depending on the result, i need the sheep to do something random as well. i suppose i do really need to know how to do this, if i'm going to create 20 games. for the first time in a while, i'm going to have to actually work at something.
damnit at some point in the last hour or so the jedi quiz reached it's 100,000th visitor, and i intended to get a snapshot of it... but i missed. by 252 visits. last time i looked, about 12 hours ago, it was still at 98,224. damn the man.
uh... huh since kevin smith has cropped up here a couple of times now, i thought this would be wholly appropriate, and at least appreciated by jon and jez:
Which Recurring Kevin Smith Character Are You? Take the test here
daddy, i learned a new word today - 'emphysima' today i walked into town from emily's so i could catch the bus home. i get on the bus, and go upstairs. a woman with a baby sits a couple of seats in front of me, followed a minute or so later by her husband/partner/whatever. within two minutes, this guy has his arm round his wife, who is holding the baby, while he lights up and starts puffing away on a death stick.
now, i realise i have a page about being straightedge, and i'm treading a fine line very carefully here; there are a lot of sXe people out there who just like the label, and love to be able to shove it in people's faces, thinking it gives them the right to preach. i don't preach - each to his own... but for fuck's sake! i thought only 14 year-olds smoked on the top deck of a bus. and if i was getting a lungful sitting 6 feet away from him, how much shit is his child inhaling? he did look mildly hispanic in origin, so maybe he couldn't read the 'no smoking' sign. but then, directly above that is a big red fucking sticker of a cigarette in a circle with a cross through it. and i'm thinking you don't need to be albert fucking einstein to figure that one out, foreign or not.
after about 5 minutes the baby starts to cry, and a guy sitting in front of this couple spins around, sees the guy smoking, and to his credit, said "hey! no smoking on this bus." and started pointing at the sign. the smoking guy then started to make out that he couldn't understand what this other guy was saying, despite the fact that he was frantically pointing at the sign and even doing a little charade. the smoking guy that was killing his baby just ignored the other man, and even proceeded to give him the finger.
so i would like to applaud the old asian man who had a go at the hispanic smoking man; you, mr. spanish-looking twatboy, are a stupid bastard. i hope your wife leaves you, and your baby grows up to become a cancer-curing genius.
so... tired... can't... go on... hello, party people. clients, eh? can't live with 'em, and legally you can't kill them. *sigh* i have a client who, despite the fact that i offered him an incredibly knocked-down price, he wanted to knock even more off that. so i agreed, and made the website. obviously, i didn't put too much effort into it, but i was still looking ok. now he emails me and tells me that the alignment's off on a couple of images. fine, i says, i'll fix it tomorrow. then he says 'what about the dissolving/fading menu? was that too hard, or too time consuming?'. too hard? too hard? bollocks, my friend. we can do it one of two ways; either you can have crap-looking dissolving gifs that take ages to load, or you can have flash, which i will charge you a shitload for.
i see by my comments that jez is possibly a kevin smith fan? i know stan lee was in mall rats, and i saw spiderman yesterday, but completely forgot to look out for him. who was he in that? does anyone know? the movie was pretty cool, and i liked the bittersweet ending, although there were a couple of glaringly obvious errors that you would have spotted, even if you hadn't been to movie mistakes. the scene where spiderman throws two guys through a couple of windows behind kirsten dunst, and then when it cuts back to her, the windows are intact (although i missed that one; emily spotted it) and there's a scene where her hands are on his face, then it cuts to her, then back, and her hands are by her side, then it cuts to him, and her hands are on his face again. i mean, continuity, people. surely that's the name of the game?
superspunk the new adventures of superman is on right now. i used to watch this when it was on on saturday evenings, and i didn't realise it was being shown again now. anyway, lois and clark are getting married in three weeks, and the whole issue and them talking about kids reminded me of an article i read years ago;'why superman can't procreate'.
satan's pet monkey returns i was appalled to find that there was not a single match on google for "i hate delia smith". which i do. bitch. die. however, on a similar search, i did find this. all caps, abysmal grammar, doesn't even technically make sense in english... god, i love people.
in other news, i think my stupid bouncy sheep won the day, and i think i've nailed that contract. i have a meeting on wednesday, and i'll know more then. and jon, i got your email this morning. we should definitely set something up, but i need to purchase a book first. i tried to ring you, but then i figured you were more than likely in an exam. bet that was fun.
grah! i don't know who else is having problems, but blogger is driving me fucking mental at the moment. this and the last post have been the first time i've been able to blog since wednesday. grah!
"ladies & gentlemen, some wonderful young people" no offence, ev, but blogger can suck my balls right now. i haven't been able to blog properly for days, and it's driving me nuts. i may be left with no option but to switch services soon. i bet ev is pooing his pants now. in fact, what's even odder about the shit-blog experience up till now is that everything seems fine at the moment, and i'm blogging from emily's flat in essex. i've never been able to blog from here before; in fact, i couldn't even log in to blogger from the essex uni network prior to this moment. oddment.
so, me and mumfy went to sutton coldfield to meet up with jon, rich and kate. kate's hair looked very nice, and jon looked surprisingly fetching in his school uniform. kate & mumf seemed to get on really well too, which was excellent; me, jon and rich just talked about computer-type stuff, pretty much. but it was all over so fast. we had to be back in leicester because emily's mom was waiting up for us (kind of), and we were leaving for essex today, so staying at brum was pretty much out of the question. i'm sure kate's having a wonderful time there, drinking black coffee and eating parts of the furniture and muffin's orange hairballs due to jon's immense lack of any kind of human food in any form.
speaking of human food, me and mumfy stopped at a little chef today on our way to essex. i haven't been in a little chef for probably something like a decade. the man serving us was very courteous and pleasant, but the food and prices were pretty shite. i got a bowl of soup (microwaved) that you could easily have poured into a mug and had room left over, for £3.29, and a little garlic-bread-pizza-thing for £1.99. i don't want to know what that squirt of orange juice cost; it was all way too much. extortionate whores.
i just did a search on google, but apparently no one on the internet hates brian from the previous big brother. i was really hoping to find a web ring or something. i don't hate him, but i thought it might provide some amusement. i did search for "hate big brother", but that (amazingly) didn't turn up many results either. i sincerely hope that the contestants in this current series all decide to leave at the same time. the bookies are taking money on an early start, and i'd be willing to put money on it, if i were a gamblin' man. it's boring and shit beyond anything i can be bothered to type. so i won't. type, that is.
speaking of searches (this post is beginning to sound very random and bitty; there's no 'flow' to it... you know?), i did a term search on google based on one of my sites. i know that some people get referals with the wierdest search terms, but for this blog i wouldn't know, since 99% of this blog's traffic comes from the now-infamous jedi quiz. but i digress; someone searching for 'cartoon network porn' managed to pull up a page on one of my sites. i don't even know how to react to that.
so here's a thing; check your referers, and post in the comments the wierdest search term that you got as a referal. the winner gets some free cartoon network porn.
picture time! mumfy's a very good girlfriend. she's just sitting here next to me while i do web design stuff. i doubt most girlfriends would tolerate that level of tedium, but then i did buy her an incredibly fluffy tigger. anyway, i took a couple of stupid pictures on the fluffy-as-hell webcam, and included on that paul took of me while we were out last week taking pictures of local venues. it almost looks cool.
right, i'm off to make emily her 4,000th bucket of tea. and then do some work. jon, mail me you bitch.
game of learning, anyone? got a phone call this morning from some guy with a phd, who runs a university spin-off company(?) that develop e-learning stuff. see how very professional i am with my work terminology? e-learning stuff. so anyway, he's been through some flash developers who were crap, and couldn't do the business, and i was 'recommended' (although i've no idea who by) to develop some flash learning games that are targetted, potentially, at the hong kong market. so they sent me a brief of the kind of thing they want and, as jon will probably atest to, it makes fuck-all sense. "/p/ear. /b/ear. the target word glows once. if they get it wrong, the fly bites the lizard.". and these people are english doctors. there's absolutely no explanation of how the game might work, or what the rules are, or what right and wrong is. assuming it's supposed to teach pronunciation, i don't see how someone could get it wrong and the computer would know, just by clicking on the screen... ppft. i'll think of something.
anyway, apologies to any regular visitors who have not been getting their fix of my daily rant'n'rave bullshit, but blogger's being a whore. and i don't think ev (developer of blogger) actually gives a fuck about any problems unless they're associated with blogger pro. elitist bitch. why don't you just marry the queen? or... something slightly less childish.
redesign shmedesign i spent most of today looking at sites that literally made my jaw drop, in a vain attempt to get some insipiration for the new look of gaijin design. on the plus side, i think i've got the colour-scheme down. it's going to be blue. how many people were surprised? possibly the most frustrating thing is that in literally every case, i can see how they did what they did, but in some cases there's so much going on that, even though i can see how they're doing it, the sheer magnitude and scale of they've done makes me want to punch a fat person.
and yes, for those anally retentive visitors, it appears that i have skipped a day. only by an hour, and for a very good reason; i'm at emily's house right now, and i watched the first episode of six feet under. it was excellent, and i sincerely recommend it. for those of you that missed it, but are not limited to peasant tv, you can see it on wednesday on e4. also, one of the main characters nate fisher (played by peter krause) looks exactly exactly like the editor of a small magazine i used to write for called steve peach. the editor. not the magazine.
afterwards, a tiny little cat we've christened 'lucozade' was trying to get in through the patio doors. we're in the process of stealing her from neighbours. she's cute, but stupid,and a bit hyper; literally walking around on her back legs as i was bringing a dish down to the floor, despite the fact it was devoid of milk. she was so eager to lick the empty dish, that i kind of poured milk all over her head. thing is, after you've stroked my cat bob, no other cat even comes close to his soft fluffiness. this is because he is one momma chunka fat bitch.
you know what? i haven't actually said a single word to my stepdad since he and my mom returned from new york. that pretty much sums up our relationship. he never says a word to me, just yells at my mom, stressing her out so she can pass on the love. funny, that such a physically impressive man (he's at least 6'1, and in pretty good shape) doesn't have the bottle to yell at me. i mean, he's pretty much hated me since i turned 17 and never moved out, but the only time he's ever come close to yelling at me, he starts, and then walks away off into the kitchen or the garden as he does it, so all i get is like the first 5 or 6 words before it all starts to sound like *mumble mumble*.
note: for those of you who use blogger - you'll know what i'm talking about here; for the last three posts i've tried to make, blogger has just shit it's pants. that's why at the moment my posts seem totally sporadic, and appear to be a day behind. i tend to write it, and it gets posted, but not published. the only reason i'm not getting immensely irate about this is because i'm listening to james brown.
...and this is what you get after creating a quiz that seems to have gone berserker, i decided to take one. and considering my mood, i am mightily pleased with the results:
Born in 1963, You are possibly the original colossal death robot, being one of the patriarchs of the current crop, and definitely an advocate of old-skool enemy-bashing. Why use a clumsy particle weapon when you can create supernovas just by flexing your arms? Your one minor weakness is that you are entirely dominated by some kid with a remote contol - still, don't let it get you down. You can sink a nuclear submarine with jazz music.
and me and jon are in buznez. gaijin design is about to become a powerhouse of php-powered, dynamic-and-flash-at-the-same-time, e-commerce-wielding death machine, and we will crush all of you puny humans and you will die die die! muah ha hahaaa!
fuck the man maybe shame on me, because i'm 24 (just) and i still live with my parents. why? well, i run my own company that, at present, is making a whole shitload of not very much. this is why i'm looking at a second job; for the first couple of months i can take all my wages of the second job and absolutely destroy my credit card bills with it. then, i can just pay the rent of the shitty little place i'll be living in with it. but until such time as i find a decent second job that doesn't fuck around with me running my own company, and let me have weekends off (yes, maybe i am asking a lot... but that's not the point), then i'm stuck living with my parents. and when i say 'parents' i mean my mom and my stepdad.
i've never really mentioned him before, so here's a little info in my stepdad; he left school when he was 13 to go and work in his father's café in town. by the time he was 16 he was running 3 cafés in town. by the time he was 19, he bought, straight out, the upper floor of the indoor market and turned it into a restaurant. he now has another one, and is having a third built at the moment. successful man, earns a shitload of money, all from his own hard work. he also has no sense of humour, hates black people and indians because 'they cheat at everything and get preferential treatment', and thinks that saying you love someone means buying them a nice car.
while he and my mom have been in new york, i've been getting between 3 and 6 hours of broken sleep every night, jumping out of bed every time i hear a noise because i think the gypsies are breaking into the house/garage/cars, and cleaning up after my sister's parties, sweeping the floors and throwing away all of her crap. did i complain? no. well obviously i'm complaining now, but at the time i wasn't that fussed. so geoff and my mom come back, and he's been in the house all of 10 minutes, and he starts yelling about how the place is a tip, and the rubbish hasn't been taken out, and it's a disgrace to come home to.
considering that he can't operate a mouse, let alone figure out how the fuck to get online, it's not likely that he'll read this, but here's the thing, geoff; fuck you. i stayed at the house every fucking night, forfeiting nights with emily, just to make sure your daughters were safe, i cleaned up after them, and i didn't say boo to a fucking goose when two people i'd never met before had sex in my bed. i let it all slide. don't think that i haven't thought about killing you before, because i have. and i'm not kidding. fuck you, and your oversized kitchen, and your penis-extension jaguar. fuck you.
fingers crossed hopefully i can blog this out before it becomes sunday, and therefore stick to having a daily blog.
me and rich met up in town today. i have to thank him for posting a truly fugly picture of me looking fat on his blog, along with a not-quite-so-bad one. as he says, we pretty much just chilled - went to a bunch of bars, him drinking coke and lemonade, me drinking coke, orange juice and a latté. not all in the same glass. obviously.
also, congratulations to rich and mel for sorting their shit out. what happens? i stop trying to help, and all of a sudden they're friends again. maybe there's a true vocation out there for me; "lawrie malen: will keep you seperated, whatever the weather".
um... i'm sure i have other, mildly more interesting things to note down, but it will have to wait till the morrow, because i've only got 3 minutes of today left.
hooray for the infections that plague my life my sister had another party yesterday. more friends, more drink, but surprisingly not as much noise. i was a bit more forceful with telling everyone to shut the fuck up, and if the stereo got too loud, i just turned it down myself rather than asking. did i mention that we have gypsies on the field next to us? well we do. and the lads at my sister's party decided to try and fist one if the gypsie's horses. and by 'fist' i mean 'stick a fist inside it's anus'. i really didn't think it was too wise to antogonise gypsies that only lived 100 feet away from our house, so i shut that down. yes, yes, i'm very bad-ass.
then my other sister came home and she had brought some friends too. she politely asked if one of them could sleep in my room, since i was in the main bedroom sleeping with emily. i said fine. then while i was reading, i thought that i might be getting another fucking eye infection, but i still have my ointment. it was in my room, so i went to get it. i was stopped. why? because there were two people having sex in my bed. i wasn't allowed to go into my own fucking bedroom. i suggested to alayna (my sister) that she get my ointment with a quickness. she did, and i told her i expected a thankyou card from the people in my room.
so anyway, me n rich are off to town for drinks tomorrow. it's the first time i ever would have met him. he's bringing his digital camera, and i'm sure that i won't look completely gross with the big fat bags under my eyes, and potential eye-infection bulbousness, and the healing wound just above my lip. don't ask.
hauntings of the non-spooky-spoo variety i got a work email yesterday from a guy who said that he had tried to get through on the number i have listed in the yellow pages, but it was constantly engaged, so he sent me an email with his mobile number and a request to ring him back. i wish all potential clients were this persistent. the number being engaged is entirely my fault; the number listed in the yellow pages is the second line for my aol dial-up connection, and since i'm online for about 15 hours a day (yes yes, i do get out of the house, but i usually leave my machine online. saves me waiting 2 minutes to reconnect), nobody can ever get through. that's me wasting my £300 on my yellow pages advert for this year. i'm an idiot.
so anyway, i ring this guy back, and he lives about 2 minutes round the corner, and he remembers me from primary school. it's a small world after all (i went to disneyworld when i was 10, and fucking hated that ride). lots of people remember me from school - i was memorable. i have no real idea why. but he remembered that i used to have a gang. oh yes. we were called the falcons; and no, i've never seen west side story. i became suddenly paranoid, because i thought i was the only person who remembered that, and feared that he might suddenly remember that i used to wear tank-tops with bow-ties and matching shoes, and that i had an eye patch, and gold-rimmed glasses that took up half my face, and was generally a superdork.
thankfully he didn't, and i got some work. speaking of that, pretty soon i'm going to have to start hunting down the people that owe me money, and kneecap them with my trusty baseball bat. i hope my pacifism won't get in the way.
overall today was pretty fucking boring. i went around town with paulie taking photos of all the local venues for leicester/music, and it went fine. all the emails i had were nice - a lot of other straightedge people emailing me. mel, email me, woman. and rich, if you read this, two things; a) congrats on getting blogger working, and b) fancy going out for a drink sometime?
a note to gordon god, i love people. i received 12 emails yesterday, and all of them, bar the last one, were lovely. the last one was this:
from: gordon@honkeynigga.com message: Dont you think it would be a shame or waste to die with a
perfectly healthy body also your reluctance to talk about your sex implys
that you dont have one .
has anyone ever noticed that the people who send the emails intended to offend are the most illiterate? i'm still trying to figure out how i 'don't have one sex'? when i state that i'm not about to post the details of my sex life online, it means that, some things i like to be private. and 'wouldn't it be a shame or a waste to die with a perfectly healthy body'. you know, he has a point. so many times i've sat back and thought; why am i trying to be healthy? i'd much rather have the lung capacity of a sparrow from smoking, and the potential for cirrhosis of the liver and the iq of a breadstick from drinking myself stupid every night, and a nice set of bloated capillaries about to burst and spread the insides of my nose all over my shirt from snorting cocaine (which would more than likely be one part cocaine, five parts powdered bleach, 24 parts soap powder) every night.
with that kind of advice. i hope to god you never have kids, gordon. sincerely i do.
the return of sucky mcbarnacle once again, thanks to everyone i know (and that i don't) leaving comments. i have no idea who that guy was who said my personal site was too... personal. missing the point? beh? meh? no offence to you if you're visiting again, man, but a query: how the fuck did you waste twenty minutes on my site? the average visitor stays for 3-4 minutes. i've haven't got nearly enough content to spend twenty whole minutes looking at. unless you spent 16 minutes typing that semi-english comment?
i'd also like to give a big thanks to the two christians who left comments about all the harry potter stuff i've been going mental over. i think i'm chilling out on that front a little bit now. and no need to worry about being lambasted for airing your views. maybe i need to straighten this out; faith of the individual, in all it's forms, is fine, and i have nothing but respect for. organised religion, however, and people who want to smack down others purely based on their beliefs or worse, having an opinion that conflicts with their own, can go take a rocket-fueled fuck at quick-spelling sarcasm kangeroo.
while at the pub with pete last night, we bumped into kav, mikey and, um... *tries to think of mikey's girlfriend's name*, bah... her. whatever her name is. jodie, i think. they were all drunk as hell, and the topic turned to football and the inherent violence associated with it. then, more bizarrely, the topic turned to david icke, a former english football player. if you don't know anything about david icke, then here's a brief run-down; this guy appeared on a chat show (parkinson, or wogan, or something like that) in a shell suit, declared himself to be the reincarnation of jesus christ, and that the royal family, and anyone of any importance in the world, is actually a reptile with the ability to shapeshift (although, in order to keep their human form they need to drink the blood of a child, killed at one of the many sacrificial parties held at buckingham palace). also, the roleplaying game dungeons & dragons is overseen and controlled by satan, and responsible for thousands of murders worldwide.
"we hate lawrie! we hate lawrie!" firstly, i'd like to thank every single person that's visited here and sent me a nice email. in the past couple of days i've been getting loads of messages from visitors saying they like the site, or they appreciate the straightedge page, or how much you like my cat. a worrying number of you actually commented on the latter. i would be worried about some serious catnapping going on, were it not for the fact that bob is actually an evil criminal overlord. of cats. he's fat, he's got one tooth, a leg that's perpetually broken so he can't sit down properly, and he (like me) gets abscesses. yet not so long ago, there was a cat that looked almost exactly like bob, but was about twice his size, that kept invading our garden. so bob kicked the living shit out of this cat. bob came back from that fight covered in blood and bits of cat-flesh, but none of it was his. then he sat down and said "right then - what's for supper?". cool as fuck.
i digress. lots of nice messages from people. then yesterday, i heard about a conversation that took place. for those of you who don't know, i own and run leicester/music, a free site for local musicians that i run in my spare time, out of my own pocket. there are a couple of other sites that also do this. the owner of one was overheard telling a local band not to sign up to my site 'because it's shit'. how about that for solidarity in the music community? nothing like a bit of support for each other, eh? true, his site does have more content, but then he's been doing it for 4 years, and i've been doing it for 8 months.
and then, today i receive an email from someone filling out the contact form on this site, with just two words; 'you suck'. which was nice. wise people in films always taught me; if you haven't got anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all. unless you're going to be incredibly funny with it. and where's the wit in 'you suck'? it is true that sometimes i suck on sweeties, or straws that lead to drink, and sometimes i suck at things i do, such as football, and getting past level 8 on tekken tag tournament. i think it would have been much funnier to say 'you suck bigger than a ten-foot wide industrial suction cup with pneumatic fittings and vacuum attachments, operated by an octopus called Sucky McBarnacles'.
harry potter and the sacrificial goat i did go out looking for some more great 'quotes' from kids along the lines of "i like it when harry potter uses magic to torture people, and then sacrifices virgins at the altar of the dark lord" which many christian groups seem to relish in. the fact that these quotes usually come from frumpy 40-year old god-fearing bible-bashers who've never read anything except the king james bible and reader's digest, sitting with a battered copy of psalms in one sweaty fist and a twinkie in the other, plotting the best way to turn the attention of other sheep-like members of every american congregation toward jk rowling, in the most sincere hope that they can tie her witch-like figure to a stake and burn her until she repents her sins, accepts jesus as her saviour, and then goes to hell anyway. but i couldn't find too many of those quotes. what i did find instead, was just as brilliant though:
as a taster, here's a little of what's there: "(quoting jk rowling) “It started with Harry, then all these characters and situations came flooding into my head.” Her description of herself certainly suggests a person open to “inspirations” from mystical influences. She said, “I have a very visual imagination. I see it, then I try to describe what is in my mind’s eye.” Such language sounds familiar to the world of the occult. It is amazing how similar the genuine world of Biblical inspiration is to the masquerading world of Satan, the enemy of truth."
excellent. also, i would like to say thankyou to the first actual pagan to comment on this; apparently they're just annoyed that all the spells are wrong and the portrayal of witchcraft is misrepresented in the harry potter books.
i promise that i will drop this soon, but at the moment it's just too fucking funny.
oh, and on a slightly different note *pats himself on the back* yesterday this site got 219,469 hits. just so there's no confusion about this, when i say 'hits' i mean 'files pulled from this server'; every time someone sees a graphic from the jedi quiz, it's a hit. but for unique visits, yesterday the total was 4,873. w00t! 4670 of those went straight on the jedi quiz. so hands up; who thinks i should put banner adverts on here? joke.
